The Quiet Ward
by Jewelshoes
Summary: For now the summary will give away the plot... so please just have a look instead :
1. Chapter 1

"I love Saturday mornings." Chrissie sighed, letting her eyes wonder yet again over the page of holiday villas. "I love Saturdays too." Chantelle chirped "So much fun! Shopping, clubbing. It's the best day!" "I was talking about on the ward, rather than a day off." Chrissie replied "Much more peaceful!" "I love ward Saturdays too!" Chantelle grinned "In fact" she paused "I love everyday!" Chantelle peered over Chrissie's shoulder at the span of villas "Oooh, which one are you and Mr Hamilton choosing then? I'd choose that one!" She pointed her finger a large pink villa with a bright turquoise pool in front. "So much pink!" She squealed "Well... I think we'll go for that one..." Chrissie's answer was cut short by Malick bursting through the staffroom door "We have a burst appendix coming through from the ED, so I need a bed pronto." Malick stared at the two nurses "Well, come on. What you waiting for?" Malick turned to go, then looked back at the nurses "Oh, and Ms Shah is acting consultant today, as Mr Griffin is away." Chrissie nodded, this explained Malick's bad mood. Always wanting the top job, he was angry Hanssen had roped in his favourite pupil Sahira. Malick's power grapping reminded her of Jac Naylor. Who, she knew from experience would do anything for a job at the top. Speaking of Ms Naylor, Chrissie was sure she'd be down here today. It was a well known fact Jac kept her minions at her beck and call. Chrissie sighed inwardly, ever since the issue with the iron ore results, she'd tried to steer clear of Ms Naylor. "Chrissie?" Malick placed his hand on her shoulder "Organise that bed for me, ok? I won't be out of theatre for a while, so Ms Shah will be covering." "On it" Chrissie raised her head, stood up and stepped out of the staffroom.

"Sister Williams?" Sahira appeared in front of Chrissie at the nurses' station. "Late night?" She questioned "Daniel" Chrissie nodded wiping the sleep from her eyes "Wouldn't stop crying. Anyway..." Chrissie tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear "Has the appendix patient come out of theatre yet?" "She's on her way up. Did you arrange a bed?" "Yes, over there in the corner." Chrissie gestured over a bed. "Are these are notes?" Sahira asked picking up a folder Chrissie had been leaning on. "Oh yes, sorry." "Only 17..." Sahira commented, flicking through her folder "Shouldn't she be on paediatrics?" Chrissie asked "Full" "Has she got any relatives who will be coming in?" "It says" Sahira replied "She's in care. Staying with a foster family at the moment" "Poor kid..." Chrissie sighed "I wonder if they'll come and visit her?" "Hmm. Unlikely I'd say. But they might do. For the poor kids sake I hope so."

As the two talked, the ward doors swung open, framing the view of a teenage red head, lying peacefully on the bed. "Jessica Burrows, 17. She arrived in the ED a few hours ago from school." Hanssen announced pushing the bed "Operation successful. And I leave her in your capable hands." With that Hanssen turned and started walking out the ward doors. "Hanssen, Henrik." Sahira's voice stopped him in his tracks "You're just going to leave her?" "Yes Ms Shah. I'm a busy man. She's all yours now." Sahira groaned "Fine." Taking the files into her hands and started pushing the bed. "Someone inform the foster family, and I want her on 15 minutes obs." Once Sahira that got to the space in the corner, which would e Jessica's bed, she let go and turned around. "Right, well, I have a theatre slot now, so only page me if it's urgent. Otherwise page Mr Malick, or even Ms Naylor." Sahira told Chrissie "I'm leaving the ward in your capable hands. Mr Malick will be out in a bit." Sahira handed Jessica's files to Chrissie and took off.

"Hello? Is this Miss Burrow's foster home?" "Jessica?" A deep voice replied at the other end of the phone "Yes. Where is she? What's she done now?" "Nothing. She's in Holby City hospital ." "She hasn't done anything, sir." Chrissie answered "She's been brought it with a burst appendix." "Oh" The man's voice relaxed "Has she come round from the anasetic yet?" he asked "No, but she'll be round in a short while" "Well, when she does come round, don't listen to her. She's been through a lot of stress. We've been trying to calm her down." "Well, sir would you like me to get her assessed by a member of the psychiatric team?" "NO" The man's voice rose in urgency "No, it's fine. We've had lots of girls like that and they all settle down eventually." "Ok, well you're free to visit her at anytime. Thank you." Putting down the phone Chrissie picked up Jessica's notes and went to check on her.

"Jessica? Jess? Chrissie spoke softly as she opened the curtains. Her comment "How are you" was met with a stony glare. Jessica lay in bed, music blasting out of her earphones, and stared straight ahead. Before she spoke again, Chrissie took some time to study Jessica's appearance. She was tall, and willowy, and her crimson hair flowed over her shoulder blades like an untameable river. Her milky white hands held a small cheap MP3 Player, and round her neck she wore a small silver necklace. The necklace looked a lot older than her seventeen years, and had lost its shine after being rubbed by fingertips . But even so, must have been made for her as on the chain hung a small J. J for Jessica Burrows Chrissie assumed, well, she could never really assume anything else, because that explanation was staring her so hard in the face. "Jessica?" Chrissie spoke a little louder "Jessica?" This time she touched Jessica's shoulder. "What?" Jessica snarled "What do you want?" "Good music is it? Chrissie asked, ignoring her hostile responses. "Justin Bieber?" Jessica rolled her eyes "Is that the only 21st century singer you can think of?" Chrissie shook her head "Lady GaGa then?" "No." Jessica stared at her pityingly "It's Muse, duh!" "Well, I'll look them up sometime. Anyway, in the meantime I just have to check you over." "Why?" "Just to make sure the operation went well, and I have to run some more tests ok?" Jessica nodded, but her arms stayed folder defensively round her chest. "Jessica, can you move your arms for me, please?" Sighing Jessica flung her arms to her sides. As she did the gown fell forwards from her chest revealing a battle field of scars. "Jessica?" Chrissie gasped, as Jessica furiously pulled up her gown and turned away from Chrissie. "Jessica, please. I need to talk to you about this. I need to check them over!" "LEAVE ME ALONE! ALL YOU EVER WANT TO IS TALK. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS. LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jessica nestled her head in her arms and started crying softly. Drawing the curtains, Chrissie walked over to Chantelle at the nurses' station. "Chantelle?" "Yes Chrissie? Have you decided on which villa you and Dan are having? I still think the pink one looks the best!" "Actually" Chrissie cut Chantelle's chatter short "I need to talk to you about a patient." "Yes?" Chantelle put down the magazine she was holding and looked earnestly up at Chrissie."It's about Jessica Burrow's in bed 7. Her arms, they, they're covered in scars, recent and old. I don't know what to do, should I call the psychiatric team, or should I discuss it with her, or her foster father, or should I just wait for a consultant?" "Wait for a consultant." Chantelle said firmly "Or discuss it with her when her foster father's not around." "Yeah, I'm sure that's the right thing to do." Chrissie thanked Chantelle and forced a smile onto her face.

"HELLO? Hello? I'm here to see Jessica!" A short large man with a bristly moustache stood at the nurses' station. "Jessica Burrows?" Chrissie asked as she came to stand in front of the man. "Yeah, she's my foster daughter." He paused "So can I see her?" "Of course, Mr umm?" "James, James Harrow. Nice to meet you!" James held out his hand "Well Mr Harrow, there is something I would like to discuss with you." "What, what's she been saying?" Mr Harrow leaned closer to Chrissie angrily. "Nothing sir. Nothing at all." Chrissie replied leading him to Jessica's bed. Noticing how quickly he'd accused her. Chrissie thought it was properly better to get a doctor to check her out, and talk to her about it. Opening the curtains Jessica gave a little jolt when she saw who was with Chrissie. "Jessica! Come and give your old man a hug!" Mr Harrow started leaning over her. Stiffly Jessica sat in the bed, her eyes widened and her hands shaking "Hhii" She stuttered, but let him gather her into a bear hug. "I will leave you two to get reacquainted" Chrissie said as she closed the curtains on them.

It was half an hour later when Jac's ironic tones slapped Chrissie out of her daydreams. "Ms Naylor" Chrissie grimaced "How can I help?" "I was wondering where Ms Shah is." "Sahira? She's just in theatre at the moment. Is there anything I could help you with?" "No." Jac turned to stalk down the corridors "Actually Ms Naylor, would you do me a favour?" Jac turned "I don't do babysitting." Chrissie's eyes widened "No, nothing like that. I was just wondering if you would check on a patient for me. I'd get Ms Shah to do it, as it is her patient, but she's not here. So can you?" "Well, it's always a pleasure to help out my colleagues." _And get one over on Hanssen's angel._ Jac internally told herself. "So, what's wrong with her?" "Well what I want you to look at, are these scars on her chest. Check they're not infected. Here are her files." Chrissie handed Jac a pile of downturned files "And she's in bed 7." Chrissie pointed to the closed curtains. "Good luck!" She called as Jac started walking towards the bed. Holding the files in her hands, she decided to keep them for later. It was her speciality reading them in front of the patients. Standing in front of the curtains she rang a finger through her hair, catching the few escaping strands. Then with one hand she flung open the curtains;

Mr Harrow's had his face up close to the girls, he held one hand over her mouth and with another he twisted the skin of her bare chest. Before Jac could fully take in the situation she was on top of the man, pushing his heavy body to the ground and kicking him as hard as she could in the balls. As he fell his hand lashed out, catching her lip and tearing a deep gash in it. Ignoring the taste of iron tears in her mouth, Jac reached forward and pressed the panic button. Then she turned and looked for the first time at the girl. At first she could see nothing unusual, and then her eye caught hold of the silver J catching the light.

Ignoring the rush of nurses around her and the girl, she stumbled slowly out of the ward. Reaching the corridors she felt her eyes burr and the walls close in around her. Soon she was running, running away.

**Please review, I'm interested in what people think of this new story and whether I should type the rest up... I'm sure you've all realised who Jessica is, if not all will be revealed in the next chapter. **

**Thanks for reading **


	2. Chapter 2

She stopped running only when she reached the fire escape. Flinging open its blue doors, she stepped out onto it. Hands on her knees she gasped for air, and lowering herself onto the metal platform she began to cry. Slowly at first, but steadily, until her face was a waterfall and her eyes lakes. In her head she could picture the small silver J. Hanging loosely around the girl's thin neck.

"_Here you go Jackie, look what mummy got you!" It was an icy Friday and the day before Jackie and her mother had been to her Grandfather's house. They only ever went there for money, which was normally spent on gifts for the two, holidays, clothes and presents. But today while Jackie was enduring school, Paula had gone for a little shopping spree of her own. Collecting Jackie from the school gates, her arms were laced with bags of clothes. Placing her hand in one of the smallest bags Paula excitedly fished out a small black box. "Mummy's got one too, see!" Paula lent down to show Jackie the silver P that hung around her neck. "We're gonna be twins! Now everyone can see how much I love my Jackie!" _

Paula's exact words were still embedding heavily in Jac's head. When she was younger she had loved it when her mother was like this, in one of her good moods.

_Taking the silver J out of its box Paula lent over Jackie to tie it round her neck. Standing still Jackie let the winter wind whip her hair around her face, and her mother's favourite perfume leave enrich her too with its scent. "This will bring you luck Jackie, lots of luck!" Solemnly the young girl nodded, her seven year old face looking intently at the necklace. "Just rub it like this, whenever you need some luck!" Paula smiled showing rubbing the J carefully with her finger and thumb. "Like Aladdin's lamp?" "Yes, just like his lamp!"_

Remembering her remark Jac let herself smile, just for a second. That necklace, she considered, had got her all the way through her exams. It that been her lucky charm, something she couldn't bear to throw away even once her mother had left her. Not that it had brought her much luck, Jac thought, not that there is luck. She had pasted those exams with her own intelligence. But the necklace still held importance for her. Otherwise why, why would she have given it away?

Jac sighed she should really be getting back, people would be wondering where she had gone. But if she went back Chrissie would want to talk to her about Jessica, or even worse her to talk to Jessica. Jac let another tear slide down her cheek as she remembered Jessica...

_It was New Years Eve 1994 and Jac was walking back from a rare party. She was slightly drunk, and as she staggered around the street she threw up the contents of her stomach in the gutter. "Jackie?" Jac looked up to see a car draw up beside her. It was Norman, a close friend of her foster family. "You look like you could do with a lift!" Jac nodded gratefully, her foster family might not be too annoyed if Norman appeared at the house too. Nice respectable Norman. _

_It was only few months later when she came aware of what had happened. What he'd done to her. At first she'd tried to cover it up, wearing baggy clothes, but soon her foster family realised. She had broken down telling them what had taken place. They'd offered to let her stay, with them, just as long as she kept the baby, however she could give it up for adoption when she'd had it. Being only 17, she had nowhere to go, she was a bright girl; all her teachers said that. But having a baby would automatically mean she would miss out school, she'd be a statistic, another mother pushed around by social services, she wouldn't have a life, or moreover she wouldn't have the life she wanted. Even though she was only 17 Jac had her life planned out in front of her to every last detail. She knew she was going to be a doctor, a really successful one. She knew exactly where she wanted to study, and the A* grades she wanted to achieve. Having this baby would change everything. _

**Ok I hope you think this chapter is ok, the italics mean the past just to let you know. I think now you might have realised who Jessica is... please R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry, I completely forgot to say THANK YOU for the lovely reviews for the first chapter. Please review and give constructive criticism, thanks x**

Jac stayed outside on the ledge until she could no longer stand the cold; unsteadily she stood up, stretching her fingers one by one, uncurling them and trying to rid them of cramp. Placing her porcelain white hands on the smooth metal railings surrounding her, Jac overlooked the hospital. In the far corner she could see two young male doctors having a kick around with a tin can. From this distance she couldn't see their faces, but eyeing the blonde lady lingering near the edge of the game, she could easily guess one was Mr Hamilton. Reaching up she rang her hands gingerly over her face, trying to scrub away the remains of tears. Then slowly she walked back into the hospital. It was dark outside now, and she supposed everyone would think she had gone home. Home seemed a good option, but she couldn't bear the memories it held for her. Instead Jac made her way to one of the on-call rooms. Locking the door she laid flat on the bed, her head embedded in the mattress. Closing her eyes she listened to the quickening of her heartbeat echoing up from her chest, and fell asleep.

"Excuse me..." Jac awoke from her slumber to feel the vibrations of the door being hit. "Open up Greg!" Sahira's girlish giggles bounced round the room. Smoothing back her hair, Jac pulled open the door. "Greg..." Sahira began "Oh. Jac, what are you doing here? We, I thought you'd gone home. Chrissie was asking for you. The police want to see you about the assault, and that girl, Jessica, is asking for you." "Tell them I'm busy." "Jac..." Sahira tilted her head to one side, as if she could seduce Jac, just as easily as she could seduce the others on the ward. "'Jac' nothing." Jac's reply was as sharp as her cheek bones "Now, if you excuse me, I have things to do, and I think you have some kiss chase to play" Jac turned, ready to shut the door. "Jac... don't you even want to know what happened, what's going too happened?" "No. Not really." Sahira rolled her eyes, "look" she stared firmly at Jac "I'm tired, and by the look of it you are too. So let's just hold a truce, get a coffee and I can tell you everything." "Weelll" Jac considered Sahira's offer, it was true she needed a coffee, and what harm could spending 10 minutes with Hanssen's princess do? "Fine. Just a quick one and, you're paying." Closing the door behind her Jac followed Sahira down the corridor.

Once they were in the cafe Jac perched on a seat as she waited for Sahira to get her one very skinny latte. "Here you go." Sahira placed Jac's carefully down in front of her, and plonked her own heavily on a napkin. "Mmmm" Jac let out a small sigh as she sipped the hot liquid, eyeing Sahira's cappuccino distastefully as it dripped onto her shirt. "So" Jac broke their silence "what's going to happen to her now?" "Well" Sahira took the 'her' to mean Jessica, and she was right. "Chrissie spoke to psych, and had her checked over. She's moving into temporary foster home, but she won't be going back to that family.""When's she going?" "Tuesday" Sahira paused "And Chrissie would really appreciate it if you went and visit her. She has been asking for you." "Why?" "How should I know, all I know is she, I quote 'wants to see the skinny doctor who kneed him in the nuts'" "Oh, great. What does she want to do, sue me?" Jac heard the sarcasm in her voice as she tried to cover up how she really felt. Sahira rolled her eyes "no, I don't think so. Why do you always assume everyone's out to get you?" Jac ignored her and stood up to leave. "Jac?" Sahira called after her as she walked out the foyer doors "Jac? Jac? Jac don't walk away from me!" Sahira clenched and unclenched her fists, calming herself as she heard the familiar nose of Jac's motorbike. _Bitch _she thought to herself. "Who? Ms Naylor?" Sahira looked up to realise she must have said the comment out loud. "Hmm" She nodded up at Greg. "From what I could see you two were getting on quite well. Becoming best friends with the Naylor are we?" Greg teased her "No, no I was just trying to persuade her to see Jessica." Greg shrugged "You know, the girl with the appendix?" "Ah, her. Well why she should, our Ms Naylor would never do anything that didn't have benefits for herself!" Greg paused taking in Sahira's crouched form "Come on, ignore her, let's go and get a drink. We deserve it!" Pulling her up from her seat, Greg rested his hand on her shoulder and led her out the building.

As Jac drove home she pasted the one flat in the city that held more memories for her than even her own house. Slowing down she gave into the urge to look up at the window. A happy scene met her eyes, the silhouettes of family. Angrily she pressed her foot down on the accelerator, causing a member of the family to glance over at the window. She wished it was her in there, with her family, hers and Josephs. But that would never happen. He'd left her now, like everyone else.

**Hope you liked it Am having a dilemma to make it a happy ever after fiction or not, any thoughts? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews, sorry life has been hectic, so have only got round to writing this chapter! **

Once she was home Jac shut herself in her dark bedroom, wishing the darkness could help her forget what had happened today. It took only a few minutes for her to be sleeping, however though her face looked peaceful, her mind certainly wasn't.

She dreamt she was 17 again and standing by the open window of the maternity ward. In her arms she held her newborn baby, its pale complexion a mirror to her own and its fingers wrapped around Jac's loose strands of hair. Softly the baby cried, trying to gain her mother's attention, coldly Jac ignored her, staring fiercely into the hospital car. "Jackie..." a young sympathetic nurse tapped the 17 year old Jac on her shoulder. "Jessica's crying, why not give her the bottle?" the nurse held out a translucent bottle, full of pearly milk. "You do it." Jac replied handing the crying baby in the nurse's arms. "I can't look after her. Anyway they're coming for her soon." "Aha, well" the nurse cradled Jessica in her arms, all the staff were aware of Jac's position, the fact she would soon be giving her baby up. "I'm sure being with her for a bit won't do any harm..." "They wouldn't let me." Jac scowled "Anyway... it doesn't matter... everyone leaves in the end." "Now Jackie...this baby needs her mum, maybe not forever, but right now she needs you, you've just given birth to her." "Fine..." Jac picked Jessica up and gingerly supported her in her arms. "Why don't I take a picture, hey? Of Jackie and Jessica!" without waiting for a reply the nurse scuttled down the corridor leaving Jac to sooth the crying baby. After a few minutes the nurse reappeared cradling a large camera. "Smile Jackie!" She said as the flash caused Jac to blink. "Ah, shame" the nurse thrust the picture at Jac "better take a new one!" she giggled, pressing the button. After a few tries she got the perfect one shot, as it slid out she pulled a pen from her pocket and wrote carefully _Jackie and baby Jessica – two days old – 1994_ "here" the nurse placed the picture on Jac's desk.

Slowly Jac peeled opened her eyes, it was late morning. She shook her head slowly, her mind still in the world of memories. All she could see was the crisp new photo lying on the crumpled bedspread. She wanted the picture. She wanted it so badly.

Wrapping the duvet around herself Jac ventured from her bed, over to the wardrobe. There she stood on tiptoes, reaching for the top shelve. Grasping with her fingers she pulled down an old shoebox. Carrying it over to the bed she placed it carefully on the mattress and opened the lid. Inside were so many memories, dating right back to when she started this box, with her mother when she was nine. The box itself was still covered in ripped and faded green tissue paper, and on top of it were stuck plastic jewels spelling out a wonky JACKIE. Inside her fingers brushed past collections of her life. At the top of the box lay a postcard from Joseph and a picture of Harry, the writing on the postcard was smudged from tears and the photo was crumpled. Below that lay her wrist bands from her various stays in hospital, and the card from her mother, torn and still vaguely damp. Below that were various items, school reports, her medical degree, a picture of her and Joseph, and a similar one of her and Lord Byrne. As her hands got closer to the bottom they brushed against items of her childhood, a book "The Outsiders", now yellow and frail, a smooth stone, a rare photo of her and her mother, one of the first items to have been put in the box, a picture of her and her grandfather, his frail frame lent against hers. Finally she felt what she was looking for.

The photo was yellowing and bent, but the picture was still legible; a frail willowy girl leant against the frame of a window, she held a baby in her arms, which were almost as thin as the child's. The baby's face held a look of content, but the crimson rings around her eyes gave away the fact she'd been crying. The mother's eyes too were ringed with scarlet, and the flash had caught a runaway tear. Jac cradled the photo in her arms, biting her lip she pulled up her knees, and rocked slowly to and fro, tears falling down her cheeks. It was only the ring of her mobile that brought her from her daze. Reaching an arm up to her bedside table she scrambled for her mobile "Hello?" Jac whispered "Ms Naylor" Hanssen replied in his monotone "You are over two hours late to work." "Oh" Jac gasped, she had hardly ever been late "Are you going to come in today? Or shall I ask Ms Shah to take over your theatre list?" "I'm... I'm..." Jac racked her brains for something to say, she didn't want to go in, to face Sahira, or Chrissie, but then she didn't want Sahira to get her list. "I'm not coming in..." "Are you ill?" "Mmmhmm" Jac murmured "Well, I want you back by Tuesday." Jac nodded and put down the phone. Sighing she looked down at the crumbled picture in her hand. She couldn't leave Jessica... she couldn't leave her again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, it's so encouraging! **

**xxx**

Jac lay curled up on the bed, she hadn't been out of her flat since her phone call to Hanssen, and today was Tuesday. The day Hanssen wanted her back, the day she would have to decide.

She was aroused from her dreams by the stimulating beeping of her alarm clock. Flinging her hand at it, she turned away satisfied. Jac had been asleep for what felt like minutes, but was actually hours when Sahira called. Dragging herself out of bed she stumbled across the dark room to the phone. "Hmm?" "Jac..." Sahira sat on the other side of the line, Indy on her knee, and her husband in the background. "Yes..." Jac sighed forlornly "Look" Sahira snapped getting straight to the point "why aren't you in work today? I know something's up, but can it really not coincide with my day off?" Sahira's voice slowed to a whine "I promised I'd take Indy out..." "Look Sahira, it isn't my problem, if me being ill coincides with your day off!" "But it's not just you _being ill_ Jac, there's something up with you, and I know it's do with that Jessica girl." "Sahira..." Jac groaned "Jac, I know you have problems with most of your patients... but this is beyond normal!" "Well look it up it up if you're so bothered!" Jac snapped, throwing her hand over her mouth, as if she was trying to take the comments back in. "Fine! I will if it bothers you that much... I'll pop in on the way out!" "No, no, Sahira, I didn't mean it, I was joking..." Jac plead as Sahira cut her off. Putting the phone down she turned to Indy and said softly "Mummy's got a little job to do, you don't mind waiting with daddy do you?" She turned and gave her husband a look as he groaned angrily. "I'll be back in half an hour, max!" She shouted as she picked up her car keys and shut the door.

Reaching the hospital she ran up the stairs, reaching Keller she looked up Jessica's file, panting heavily. Sitting at the nurses' station scoured over it, but there was nothing she hadn't seen before. What was this connection? Sighing she typed JAC NAYLOR into the computer, clicking on her file she combed over Jac's hospital appearances. The most recent visit was last a year ago, at the RUH in Bath, after a Kidney transplant. Scrolling further she read 'Miss Naylor donated a kidney to her mother Ms Burrows..." "Burrows!" Sahira whispered excitable, she was closing in on her connection. Scrolling further down she eyed the long notes about a traumatic motor bike accident, and finally she came to what she wanted:

"Miss Jacqueline Burrows, presented to the hospital in the second stage of labour..." "Labour?" Sahira gasped "Jac Naylor pregnant?" Sahira read on until she reached "The baby and mother are both stable. The baby, Jessica Burrow's is to be given up to adoption tomorrow. Both mother and daughter seem fine, though Jacqueline is resentful and hostile to the baby, and members of staff." "Jessica Burrows..." Sahira spoke softly, her mind wrapped up in what she just read, so when a stout lady appeared in front of the desk, it took a few times until she heard her. "I'm sorry?" Sahira looked over at her, "I'm Jessica Burrow's social worker. I'm here to take her to her new foster family." Spotting the possibilities that lay ahead, Sahira's eyes flicked from the screen in front of her to the social worker. "I'm sorry." She finally lied "I'm Miss Burrow's consultant and I'd like to keep her in for a few more days, I'm worried about how the scars are healing... Thanks for the help though." Sahira smiled as the lady groaned and walked away muttering loudly.

Taking her mobile Sahira went and sat down in the cafe, surrounded by noise and gossip, she rang Jac's home number. "Hello?" Jac picked up the phone, unsure of whom it was. "Jac..." "Sahira..." both greeted each other equally hostilely. "Jac... I know about you and Jessica... I know what you did." Jac felt tears dripping down her face, silently she cried as Sahira spoke. "Jac... I knew you were heartless, but that was harsh, even for you. Who would give up their own child at birth?" "You don't understand... its better, it's better to leave her early; it's kinder than leaving her when she's old." Jac gulped "It's kinder... I was doing her a favour; giving her a better life, what kind of life would she have had with me?" Jac clutched the picture tightly, her tears falling on to it, one by one. "They made me... they said I had to, or they wouldn't look after me again... I had to... where else would I go... they lied. They lied to me. They didn't take me home. They didn't ever see me again." "I don't understand Jac." Sahira said simply. "I don't understand." "Don't you know anything about me?" Jac sounded shocked through her tears "Didn't Michael tell you?" "Jac..." Sahira spoke sensitively "Michael never told me anything. No one did. Look, I'm coming to see you, ok?" "No... no... Sahira, please..." Jac pleaded in vain. 10 minutes Sahira was round at her flat. "Jac, please let me in? Please Jac!" She banged consistently at the door, until Jac let the door open just a crack for Sahira to squeeze in.

**Not much of a cliff hangers, but hey, thanks for reading! xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry been really ill, and then when I got back to school had loads of tests and CAs so haven't had time to write Thank god for the Christmas holidays! **

"Jac?" Sahira peered round the front door, stepping inside she saw the ghostly figure of Jac standing in the kitchen doorway. "Jac!" Sahira was shocked by her colleagues shrunken appearance, her clothes hung loosely around her thin frame and her eyes were ringed with red. The only similarity was her scowl. "What!" Jac flung her arms up in exasperation, leading Sahira into the kitchen; she leant flaccidly on the sideboard as she boiled the kettle. "What some?" she glared at Sahira who was staring intently at the steaming kettle. "Yeah, don't mind if I do" Sahira replied mimicking Jac's bored tone. Skimming her eyes over the kitchen she could spot nothing personal, and if she didn't know better she would have thought Jac had only recently moved in. The only personalised object in the room was the fridge, holding four items; the minutes from a recent consultants meeting, a postcard from Penrith and two plain silver magnets. As the two sipped coffee Sahira broke the awkward silence by asking "Jac, do you... umm mind if I nip to the loo?" "Yeah, it's down the corridor on the left" Jac motioned with her hands. "Thanks" Sahira flashed a smiled a Jac, and left her flicking on the radio. As the sound of BBC4 filled the flat Sahira made her way down to the toilet. Ignoring Jac's directions she prised open the first door on the right. "Dam!" Sahira hissed as she revealed a cupboard. Twisting she pressed the opposite door exposing the bathroom. Locking the door the first thing to catch her eye was the pair of toothbrushes in the holder. One new, one old. Turning she opened the medicine cupboard, and her eyes flicked curiously over the various bottles of drugs. One still in its packet. Stepping out of the bathroom she went through the next door. Flipping the light switch to display a floor scattered with photos and letters. Unable to stand the overwhelming feeling of curiosity Sahira bent down, and rocking on her knees picked up a letter.

It was later when she finally felt the shadow of the person behind her. "I thought I'd find you here." Jac spoke softly. "Jac..." Sahira looked up at Jac's eyes. "I'm sorry..." She stood letting the pictures and letters fall from her lap. "I don't know what to do Sahira..." Jac looked despondently over at Sahira, a tear dribbling over her nose. "I don't know what to do... I can't let her go... not again." Standing next to Jac Sahira placed a hand on her shoulder "Jac, I know we don't see eye to eye. I know I annoy you and you me. But this is about Jessica, not just you." Sahira paused "why did you give her away? Why?" "It's none of your business." Jac angrily brushed Sahira's hand off her shoulder and turned away "Jac, I'm involved in this whether you like it or not... and I may as well know the whole story." Relenting Jac turned back to Sahira "my mother left me when I was 12, she went to India. I ended up in care. After various moves I ended up with this family. I'd been with them for a couple of months. I'd started to think maybe this was the one. I didn't like them that much, but they were better than nothing. Then... then after this party" Jac paused "this stupid party" she started shaking her head in regret "I was really drunk, and this guy, one of my foster family's friends drove by. He offered me a lift. I can't remember much from then on, but then a few months later I realised what had happened. I had to tell them. They didn't want to believe me. They were strong Catholics, they told me I had to keep the baby, and I could give it up for adoption after the birth that that way they would let me stay. I had nowhere to go. I didn't want to hurt her like my mum had done to me. I didn't want her to live the life I had, and be rejected so many times. I just wanted her to be ok." Jac sniffed "It's because of me this happened... because of me" as she trailed off Sahira's phone started ringing. Glancing at the phone Sahira apologised "I've got to take this." She turned away from Jac "Yes, yes" her face fell "I'll be right over." She turned back to Jac "it's Jessica, she's had a major bleed."

**Hope you enjoyed it, and have a brilliant Christmas!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Two posts in one day! Well, it's the holidays, it's freezing outside and I have a horrible cold/sore throat, so decided to write some more, enjoy! **

"I've got to get over there. Coming?" Sahira held out her hand "I can't..." Jac whimpered, a tear sliding over the curve of her lip "It might be your last chance." "Ok..." Jac nodded placing her hand in Sahira's.

Once Sahira was in theatre Jac sat gingerly on one of the cold hard plastic seats situated a little way down the corridor. The air was humid, and the corridor so silent Jac swore everyone would be able to hear her heartbeat. Shivering she placed her head on her hands, trying to calm herself. Suddenly the eerie silence was broken by the all too familiar beeps, coming from inside the theatre. Jac looked up in panic as she saw Elliot bumbling down the corridor. "Elliot!" she shouted in fear "what's happening? Why are you here? What's gone wrong?" Elliot stopped abruptly "Ms Naylor?" he enquired "what are you doing out here? You should be in there" "I can't..." "You're a consultant." "I..." "Elliot!" Sahira shoved open the theatre door her scrubs covered in blood "I need you, we're losing her." Elliot took one look back at Jac and followed Sahira into the theatre.

As she heard the voices inside theatre rise Jac let out a small moan. She wanted to be in there. She needed to. She looked down at the crumbled photo in her hand. Suddenly she couldn't take it anymore. Scrapping back her hair she thrust the theatre doors open. Grabbing some scrubs, she started hastily scouring her hands. "Jac" Sahira shouted at her through the intercom "you can't be in here" "Sahira, I am not going to sit outside while she dies in here. Please let me try." Jac begged as she entered the theatre. "Jac this is against every single rule in the book." Sahira stated "Just let me try, I can do this." Sahira looked warily over at Elliot, and not knowing what was going on he just nodded. Pushing them out the way, Jac started trying to suture the wound. "We're losing her Ms Naylor." "I know!" Jac snapped. "Charging to 100, ready?" "Ready" " Jac shocked Jessica, her blood covered body rising up. "Charging to 200, ready?" "Ready" they waited in anticipation for Jessica to respond, "Charging to 300, ready?" "Ready". "Jac, we should stop" Sahira looked down at Jessica's lifeless body. "No. I am not going to lose her." Jac snapped tearfully and started compressions. After a while Elliot spoke "She's not responding. Ms Naylor, Jac stop." "NO! I've lost her once; I'm not losing her again." Jac started pumping harder "Come on Jessica, don't do this to me. I'm here for you, I'm so sorry I left you. Jessica, mummy's here. I'm here." She cried about to stop, when suddenly "She's back. Jac, you did it!" Sahira grinned at her "Now, please get out of my theatre." Jac nodded tearfully, leaving Elliot to pound Sahira with questions.

**Sorry I don't write theatre scenes that well! Anyhow have a fantastic Christmas and thanks for reading! **


	8. Chapter 8

From her bed in ITU Jessica could see a women sitting next to her. She could feel a sharp pain in her side, and her eyes hurt to open them. But she tried to peel them open and look at the women. She was sure she has never seen her before. Maybe she was a new social worker or foster parent. She couldn't tell. All Jessica could distinguish was that the woman was crying. Her head was in her hands and she was shaking. "Mhhm..." Jessica tried to speak, before she realised a tube in her mouth was preventing her. However the noise was enough to disturb the women and slowly she rose her head. Brushing her eyes hastily as she realised Jessica was awake. "How are you feeling?" The women tilted her head sympathetically. Jessica squirmed trying to get the tube out of her mouth, only the pain in her side stopped her and she let out a muffled scream. Noticing the pain the women stood up and moved swiftly over to where a nurse stood.

"I want Jessica on more morphine." Jac stated to Chantelle "Ms Naylor, I'm sorry, but as you're not her doctor you can't prescribe her medicine" Chantelle looked at Jac with wide puppy eyes and a sympathetic cherry glossed smile, to which Jac gave an ice glare. "Look princess that might work on the boys or those bone monkeys down on Keller, but it's not going to work for me." Jac's voice rose "I saved her life. I think that gives me priority." Jac turned to stalk back to Jessica "But Ms Naylor..." Chantelle voice rose to a whine "In your situation..." Chantelle bit her lip "I think I should consult Ms Shah." Sighing Jac stalk walked back to where Jessica lay; sitting next to her she placed her hands in her head to stop anyone seeing the consent flow of tears down her face. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't leave Jessica. She couldn't be like her mother.

Suddenly Jac felt someone's shadow present over her. "Ms Naylor." Ollie spoke quietly unaware of the situation. "Mr Roberts in bed seven, Mr Hamilton wants to talk. He wants to take him into theatre, but he needs you to look at his heart first. Ms Naylor?" Ollie stared down at her. Reluctantly Jac's head rose, her tangled hair covering her face. "I can't go Oliver. I'm busy" "Busy doing what exactly? Ms Naylor, we need your advice, we can't take him into theatre before he's been seen by his cardio consultant." "Oliver..." Jac started and then stopped when Jessica's heart monitor broke through their conversation. Leaping on to her feat Jac looked at the fragile teenager lying beneath them. "Ollie, you've got to do something!" She cried "You've got to help her!" Rapidly people began to appear around Jessica, Sahira being one of them "Get her out of here!" she shouted to Ollie, gesturing to Jac. "Ms Naylor, you've got to come with me." Ollie gripped her wrist, pulling her out of the room "No, what's happening to her? Oliver, Sahira, what's happening to her?" Jac screamed in vain as Ollie pushed her out into the corridor. Barring himself between Jac and the door he looked at Jac "Who is she to you?" "No one..." "She didn't look like no one to me." "Alright, it will be half way around Holby by now anyway." Jac paused "Jessica Burrow is my daughter. I haven't seen her since a few days after she was born." Jac paused "I have to go back in there." she pushed Ollie out of the way and ran to Jessica's bed, she was asleep peacefully the doctors gone. Shaking Jac sat back down next to her, only to have Sahira appear flustered in front of her "you know you can't be here. You know this has to be confirmed by social services. Jac, you have to leave..." Sahira put her hand on Jac's shoulder "she'll be ok." Sahira told her softly "can't I stay a few more minutes?" "Jac... you have to leave." Sahira warned her "leave? Why?" Jessica's voice broke the two's conversation "How are you feeling?" Sahira smiled ignoring her questions "she saved my life, I heard her say so. Why does she have to leave?" "She can't be here, it's against protocol. Jac..." Sahira gestured towards the doors "a word please." "Who is she? Why can's she stay here?" Jessica's voice echoed around the room, turning to Jac Sahira said quietly "You have to tell her, you can't keep this a secret forever." "Tell me what? Who are you?" Jessica asked aggravated "My names Jac Naylor." Jac turned away so her back was facing the two. "I changed my name when I was 18, I couldn't stand having the same name as my mother. I didn't want to have history, I didn't want to have a past, I didn't want to be Jacqueline Burrows anymore." Not looking back Jac started walked slowly towards the door, not before Jessica stated "You're my mother?" "No" Jac said slowly "I gave birth to you. That doesn't make me your mother." Looking at Jessica's face Sahira saw a flash of hurt "You left me when I was born. You left me. You didn't even want to meet me, to get to know me. I used to be so jealous of the other children, just because, because they'd actually met their parents." Jessica wept loudly "I used to think how could any mother abandon their own child, and the only answer I could come up with was... that it must have been me. There must have been something so fundamentally wrong with me that you couldn't even bear to meet me." Jac felt a tear roll slowly over her lip and suddenly she started running out of the room. Her feet and heart pumping and Sahira's voice echoing in her ears.

As Jac rushed down the corridor she brushed against Michael "What the?" he shouted looking back down the corridor at Jac, her hair flailing behind her. "Michael!" Sahira's face lit up when she saw Michael. "It's Jessica..." She faltered "Jessica?" "Jessica Burrows" Sahira explained "Not the mother again? Or grandmother, aunt? Not the sister?" Michael corrected himself, Jasmine seemed nice enough and willing to look after Jac. Then he remembered what Jac had said that night "you're my family now." It was true, almost. Michael closed his eyes in despair, he couldn't let her get hurt again. "Phone Joseph" he instructed her and started going after Jac "Michael" Sahira called after him "It's her daughter. Jessica's her daughter." Hearing that Michael stopped in his tracks "right, don't call Joseph. No need to confuse things." He said flatly. Why hadn't Jac told him? Or Joseph, he wondered if he knew. If her mother knew. If Faye had known. If anyone but him and Sahira knew.

**Hope you enjoyed it.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the lack of updates, but there finally is the next chapter, enjoy!**

Michael listened to Sahira, his face slowly scrunching in bewilderment, once Sahira ceased to a stop, Michael turned swiftly away from her and started marching down the corridor. "Michael?" Sahira shouted after him "I'm going to talk to Jessica" He shouted back "go after Jac, before she does something stupid!" "But… Michael…" Sahira's voice quavered "Just GO." He shouted back

"I'm looking for Miss Burrows." Michael asked entering ICU. Following the swift flick of a hand Michael lowered himself down into the chair next to Jessica, casually observing her over the top of his notes. She did she realised looked like her mother. Her hair flowed like a river of flames over her sharp shoulder blades, and her face was set in a cold hearted stare. Looking at first he could just see Jac, but looking again Michael realised how young Jessica was, and how much she needed someone to care for her. That's when he started talking, his American tang lowered into a slow whisper. He told Jessica about her mother, about how she'd been put into care when she was 12, about how Paula came back, he told her about Freya, and the look on Jac's face when she saw her, about how Jac lost everyone, about how Jac had a story that was so complicated that even her herself couldn't work it out. Then he turned to Jessica and asked her to tell him her story.

She was reluctant at first, regarding Michael with a mechanical glare, but slowly she let her defence down. "I grew up never knowing where I came from" Jessica started "or why I'd been given away. I grew up thinking how… I must have been so awful that my mother just took one look at me and left. When I young I wanted to meet her. I used to spend every hour of everyday sitting and waiting for her to come back, for her to realise her mistake. I never had a home. I never had a mother. That's what _she _denied me of. And now I know that all this time she could have come back and found me, but she didn't. Why should I care for someone who couldn't even be bothered to contact her own daughter? Why should I take her back into my life?" Jessica drew herself under the covers, hiding herself from view. "I want my mum…" she mumbled in tears, tiredness over whelming her "but she doesn't want me…"

Meanwhile Sahira had followed Jac through the hospital, until they were out on a fire escape. Jac sat scrunched up on its cold metal floor, her face buried in her arms and body shivering. "Jac?" Sahira lowered herself down until she was sitting on the floor besides Jac. "Jac… she's your daughter. She's your baby, your child. I know what it's like to hold your own baby in your arms, say you'd never leave them; you know that feeling to Jac, don't you?" Jac shock her head furiously "you think you know me Sahira. You think you know how everyone feels. Well you don't!" Her head shot up in fury and then she swiftly turned away, starting intently out into the distance "Do you know what it's like to be abandoned? Do you know what it's like to have to give your own child away to strangers? To learn that she's been abused, just like you were? To have everyone you love leave you so many times, that you turn away the one person who wants you? You have no idea Sahira Shah. You have no idea about my life." Jac cried and started to try to run from the fire escape, but Sahira was too swift catching her arm and pulling her back to the station. "Jac, you can't run away forever. One day you'll have to look back. Please, just talk to her, just this once." Sahira said softly taking her palm in her hand and leading her back to ICU.

"Jac…" Michael leaped up when he saw her "Oh Jac…" he reached out pulling her into a tight hug. "Michael…" Jac felt tears start to roll down her cheeks, her head lent on Michael's shoulder "Michael… I don't know what to do… I want to look after her, but I can't, I just can't let someone in again." "Jac..." he wrapped his arms around her tighter "Look after her, just try, just try and be the mother Paula never was to you…" then he let her go, letting her fall into the chair besides Jessica.

Jac looked down at her daughter, lying asleep washed out on the sheets, her body supported by machines, but the silver J still hanging around her neck. Jac reached out running her hands cautiously over the J, tracing its scratches and remembering. "That was mine you know…" She looked up to where Sahira was standing "Mum gave it to me. It got me all the way through my exams, through school. It was what I held in my hands, every day in care until I realised she wasn't ever coming back…" "Mum?" Jessica peered up to where Jac sat. "Mummy?" "Yes" Jac looked back down, her face forming into a small genuine smile as she heard 'mummy'. "Yes, that's me."

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


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